Today, I received a voice memo from a long-time client of mine. She began her message by describing a familiar experience of sadness and regret around eating too much food, followed by an even-more familiar experience of deep shame and guilt. But, something new happened today that she couldn't wait to share with me. This time, when the shame arose, she decided to go right into the very center of it. She offered tenderness and love to the emotions and sensations that she had always rejected and despised in the past. As she stayed quietly present to the uncomfortable energy pulsing through her body and mind, something shifted. A painful old belief about not being loveable rose to the surface. My beautiful client instinctively welcomed that familiar belief, inviting it to crawl right into her arms like a crying toddler. She held it. She offered it compassion and kindness. Within moments, all of the feelings and sensations of guilt, sadness, and shame melted away. All that was left was a profound and palpable sense of love and gratitude.
I have noticed myself doing this very same thing quite a bit lately. Something within me has shifted, and I am experiencing a more profound sense of tenderness and grace than I have ever known before. There is a gentle longing to revisit the parts of me that have been rejected and cast aside—the parts that my mind has forever convinced me were too hard, too dark, too messy, or too overwhelming to be revisited.
My heart now yearns to embrace my once-hated nervous system—the one that tends to react more dramatically than our culture deems "appropriate." I want to hold it close and tell it that it's perfect exactly as it is—no changes or improvements needed. I want to drench it in so much kindness and love that it forgets all of the years that I cursed it and demanded that it stop ruining my life. I want to hold that precious, perfect nervous system, with all its Disney World fireworks and Blockbuster Movie special effects, and I want to offer it all of my grace and gratitude. No more rejection. Only Love.
My soul hungers to call back the painful memories of chronic hives and face swelling that I once believed were evidence of my body's brokenness and betrayal. I want to let those memories know that they are free to revisit any time they want to. They can sing from the rooftops and paint vivid images of bright red welts and puffed-up lips and eye lids. I want to hold those once-hated memories so close that they feel the depth of my love for them. I want them to know, without any doubt, that I no longer believe that my body got it wrong—that it is clearer than ever that my body was getting it RIGHT all along. The hives, the swelling, the pain, the fear...all of it. It was all in service of me. All along, my body was doing it all for the single brilliant, beautiful purpose of my waking-up. Nothing was ever out of place. I just didn't know it. Until I did.
I don’t know why this feeling of tenderness and love has grown so expansively over the past few months. I can't begin to understand why I feel so compelled to revisit all of the parts of me that I once rejected.
But, what is perfectly clear is that every time I drench those once-loathed sensations, emotions, or memories with grace and kindness, a new realm of peace is revealed. Old limited identities of separation and lack dissolve, and a deeper sense of quiet joy is realized.
No more rejection. Only Love.
A new Wellness Group is beginning in April. If you'd like to learn more about it, click here. I hope you'll consider joining us. Email me at missymaiorano2@gmail.com for more details if you're interested.
Click here to watch a short YouTube clip about feeling the sensations in your body when the stories are LOUD.
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